Lions and tigers and bears, oh my!

It feels fitting to begin the guide to coloring books with the farting animals coloring book. As far as I can tell this is the beginning of what looks to be a complete arms race in the “farting coloring book” space, the author hit some kind of coloring book gold, and when people saw what was happening they all hoarded into the space trying to one-up each other over and over again.

That said, what can I say about the book itself, honestly it’s everything it says it is, animals, uncolored, actively farting… there’s nothing else to it, a true masterpiece that would have great artists, authors, and inventors of wacky and weird knick-knacks saying damn, what a solid idea, executed to perfection.

Florida Man, the life-inspired meme, or meme-inspired life?

Fun fact about “Florida Man”, the news headlines in reality are born from the freedom of information laws in California, whereby news are able to find out more about the commiters of certain crimes (such as Man/Woman), hence they can report the zany headlines we have all come to love and/or hate.

Now, while some may dislike the meme, we can all appreciate the coloring book, and not much in this world will give you the free-flying feeling of coloring in the teeth of “Florida Man Bites Boat Captain”, outside of doing the act yourself. Are they White teeth? A little Yellow? Eh, you could probably remove a couple if you want… that’s the power of coloring, bringing the scene to life in your own mind and then into life!

Break out your deepest red white and blues for the people of Walmart.

If you’ve been following always judge a book by its cover you’ll know that I’m an absolute sucker for mediocrity, and what is more dull and boring than the life and times of people in Walmart. But then again when you stare deeply into the void perhaps the life and times of people in Walmart are the perfect topic for a coloring book.

If we do away with beautiful natural curves and shapes, do away with the zen patterns that coloring books so often adapt, and focus on the crooked shelves and slobby casual wear that is America today you’ll find yourself within a coloring book like no other, as well as finding plenty of spots for your greys, tans, grimy greens and yellows as well as your reds, whites, and blues.

While I don’t suspect you’ll be able to find this book at Walmart, you can still grab a copy and take it down to your local and soak in the vibes as you color.

Admitting you’re an asshole is the first step!

The first and foremost thing that is amusing about this cuss-riddled coloring book is that it labels itself for adults, as though there’s an equivalent children’s swearing coloring book (there isn’t one, I looked, but someone should probably fill this amazing gap in the market).

Not only will you have an enjoyable time filling in the words you’ve always wished to share with your coworkers, inlaws, and that crotchety aunt, but you’ll also be expanding your cuss vocabulary with a bunch of new vulgarities that will surprise and delight as they are slowly colored into your subconscious.

Move over Discovery Channel, there’s a new book in town.

I’m not quite sure if the humping animals coloring book sprouted via the farting animals coloring books spree, but I can say that amongst the books in this collection, this has to be perhaps the weirdest, and without question the most researched.

As you can see on the cover, there’s very little room left for your imagination in this book, and I can say without question that you’re looking at the least relaxing (although I guess coloring humping animals is still more relaxing than watching a documentary of the sorts with your parents).

All in all, you’ll be left with some images in your brain that can’t easily be erased, but then again it’s perfectly natural… after all, we all exist because of the act. Let’s leave it at that.

I used to be an adventurer like you, then I took an arrow in the knee.

Another completely wonderful niche that needed (hah get it) to be filled, I can only assume that after an ACL tear, the author woke up to the startling realization that while off their feet coloring would be a zen way to fill the time, and that there’s no EXACT book that perfectly encompasses the need to try to relax while also be frustrated and the immobility of a knee injury.

I’d say the knee recovery coloring book is the only coloring book in this collection that actually aims to provide motivation (“Happiness is a new knee”) unless you consider a farting dinosaur something to get out of bed for, so it stands in its own little clique of weird yet thoughtful, a true chefs kiss.

Fact: Magical creature farts are funny

Now, the farting x derivatives begin to thrive, with the author M T Lott quickly cornering the market.

I like to imagine a whiteboard brainstorming session, whereby everything that in theory should have a butthole is marked down, creating a large checklist of farting books that need to be produced.

But, let us get into the brass tacks, the farting magical creatures cover 24! different creatures, and you don’t get to a number like that without doing some serious research, from aardvarks to zebras, mermen to leprechauns, and at the end of the night you’ll rest easy knowing that indeed these mythical and magical creatures do indeed fart, but you’ll truly wonder what color they should really be.

What’s that under the bed?

Monsters already smell in a traditional sense, but understandably the only thing smellier than an already smelly monster is one that’s farting, and why wouldn’t monsters fart, their diet consists anywhere between forest scavenging to small children, perhaps the occasional squirrel, when you think about it they are probably farting a whole lot!

If you’re already into the farting X style book, then this is going to be a must-have to complete the collection (gotta color em all?).

At this point, are we surprised?

Believe it, if it exists or existed and has a butthole, then there’s gonna be a coloring book all about it, the fun thing about the dinosaur edition is that we don’t really know their colors, so even if you want to go wild and splash some oil pastels outside of the lines you’re still technically in the right here!

And while you’re at it, why not draw in your own meteors, blue volcano and mud sludges… unlike real dinosaurs though, coloring in these beauties will give you a pure sense of joy and accomplishment as you give life to something so very very dead.

If you’ve been paying attention, you’ll know it could only really come to this

That’s right, someone decided to gather the three powerhouse elements of the adult coloring world and combine them into a magnum opus, pooping, searing & farting, the holy trinity all in one.

This coloring book should only really be attempted after you’ve maxed out and completed its predecessors, as it truly is the pièce de résistance of the coloring world. You’ll be able to use all your experience gathered through hours of difficult color choices and questionable shading techniques.

By the time you get to this bad boy, you’ll be aware of the small pitfalls of the coloring world, you’ll know how to avoid accidentally having two similar colors next to each other, and your hands will be weathered and resistant to any cramps of problems that could step in your way.

Congratulations, you win coloring… time to take up something new I guess?