Always Judge a Book by its Cover

Some books win awards, some win our heart, and others... only serve to confuse.

How to Talk to Your Cat About Gun Safety

Do you love your cat? Well, no self-respecting cat mom or dad would let their baby grow up without a solid grounding in gun safety.

Not only does this resource cover gun safety, which can be at times a difficult subject to breach with your kittens, it also covers abstinence, drugs, and satanism!

Nine lives arent an excuse to be ignorant of the dangers as well as the ups and downs of living a healthy and safe life, free from gun-related accidents.

With this book you’ll sleep easy, knowing Whiskers has all the tools that he needs to go out into the world in a safe and positive manner.

How to Talk to Your Cat on Amazon How to Talk to Your Cat on Kindle Listen on Audible

Outwitting Squirrels: 101 Cunning Stratagems

The full title is quite the mouthful. “Outwitting Squirrels: 101 Cunning Stratagems to Reduce Dramatically the Egregious Misappropriation of Seed from Your Birdfeeder by Squirrels”

Do squirrels always seem one step ahead of the game to you? I know they did for me… but after this book, I can call them thoroughly and utterly outwitted.

Honestly, I can say that now as I walk down the street, the squirrels turn their heads as to not make eye contact. It’s truly a liberating feeling.

There are, as the title suggests a full 101 stratagems within these 240 pages, and honestly, it proves itself to be the best guidebook out there since the 2nd, and 1st edition.

Outwitting Squirrels on Amazon Outwitting Squirrels on Kindle Listen on Audible
Always Judge a Book by its Cover's Guide to
Coloring Books!

Toilet Paper Origami: Delight your Guests with Fancy Folds

Have you ever been waiting outside a bathroom, and the person inside seems to be spending a little too much time in there. Well, now you know that they’ve read this book.

Whether you’re the slow pooper or the kind of person who likes to be prepared for when your phone inevitably runs out of battery, and you’re left sitting there vulnerably, without utilizing the time for something productive.

I had lived my life as a lone toilet paper-folding enthusiast, though, upon leaving the privy, left a single toilet paper rose.

Someone found that rose, stalking through the establishment, trying to find their toilet paper Adonis, for the rose held such beauty. And that my friend, is how I met your mother.

Toilet Paper Origami on Amazon

What's your poo telling you?

Something you sit and ponder on the loo? Well? No more!

When it comes to weird books, I’ve seen the lot, there’s something about the subtle art of pooping that seems to make its way into book after book, from How to poop in the woods, How to poop on a date to the subtle art of toilet paper origami.

That being said, now and then there’s something like “What’s your poo telling you?” that poses a question that I previously held no answer to. Of course, I can take wild guesses at pooping in the woods, but what the matter is telling us itself is a whole other question, and now my friend, you will be able to have the answers.

What’s your poo telling you is complete with clear and clever drawn illustrations that will, for better or for worse, leave just the right amount to your imagination, and probably perk your curiosity in the worst possible way.

It goes without saying, but I’ll say it anyway if you’re going to get down and dirty with it, pick up some gloves as well.

What's your poo telling you? on Amazon

How to Survive a Garden Gnome Attack

Crucial survival information when dealing with one of the world’s smallest menaces.

I’m going to even with you on this one, it wasn’t until reading this book that I discovered how menacing these little creatures can be, at first you’ll see one, then two, three, five, eight, and just like a Fibonacci tornado of tiny shovels and pickaxes you’ll be on your back foot dealing with a great uprising! You need to nip it in the bud as soon as possible.

Identification is the first step to securing you and your family’s future, the garden gnome can be a tricky beast but at the same time, you may find you’re often mistaking them for less aggressive gnomes… at the end of the day the more information you have the better, which is why this book will come in handy.

Last but not least, you’ll gain vitally important knowledge about the possible infiltration methods, and before too long you’ll know just how to identify that the draft of air blowing through your house is a sign of an intruder newly entered!

Survive a Garden Gnome Attack on Amazon Survive a Garden Gnome Attack on Kindle

Eating People is Wrong

The all in one book for the person on the fence.

So you’re considering eating someone!? You may have also read our previously reviewed “How to Raise Your IQ by Eating Gifted Children” and been swayed by its convincing ways, well it’s almost certainly time to consider other options, and this book will be your guiding light to finding them.

This book will take you through the many alternative, including regularly farmed vegetables and meats, processed foods, and raw foods such as grass… you may find yourself delightfully surprised at the options we have these days.

At the end of the day you are your own person, that said, a deep understanding of the philosophical dilemmas related to cannibalism can never go amiss.

Eating People is Wrong on Amazon

Fifty shades of chicken

Tis the season for some cheeky chook

If getting hot (and I mean hot) in the kitchen is something you enjoy then this book is going to be right up your alley, soon you’ll be wowing your mother and grandmother with your groovy techniques and quality cuts, with recipes ranging from the tantalizing dripping thighs all the way along the spectrum, covering things like mustard spanked chook.

If you’re not the cooking type, but rather the hide-away-in-a-nook reader, then this book may still get your appetite whet for that big meal with its beautiful fanfiction-esque descriptions, and in your mind you’ll be swept off your feet into an unimaginably blissful daydream, eventually waking to the warm drool upon your shoulder.

Fifty shades of chicken on Amazon Fifty shades of chicken on Kindle

I Don't Care if My Best Friend's Mom is a Sasquatch, She's Hot and I'm Taking a Shower With Her.

There wasn’t enough title space to finish this monstrosity in this website, but the final part is: “Because its the new millennium” (naturally)

My middle school teacher always told me, “When you don’t understand something, sit down, and slowly try to deconstruct it.” So let us do just that, and see if we come to any conclusions about this book. Which I will also note, is only volume one.

So, my best friend’s mom is a sasquatch. I can accept this reality.

I don’t care if she’s a sasquatch. I guess, this too I can accept. I like to think that I’m the kind of person who wouldn’t care if my best friend’s mom was one.

But wait. I only don’t care (if I’m reading this right), because she’s Hot. Well, that’s just wrong. I’m sure she is an amazing person. After all, she raised my best friend, and I like them!


Mom is a Sasquatch on Amazon Mom is a Sasquatch on Kindle

Crafting with Cat Hair: Cute Handicrafts to Make with Your Cat

Have you been storing your cat’s hair, waiting for your moment? Well, your moment is now.

Crafting with Cat Hair is the kind of page-turner that keeps you up at night. Not only will do I love it, but my Cat (always loving the brush) also can’t put it down either.

Kaori Tsutaya goes above and beyond in the hunt for literary perfection, covering the topic from the garden of Eden (gathering the cat’s hair) right through to the completion of the world (crafting cats from your cats).

The Huffington Post says: “It caught our attention.” … and that’s all you really need to know before you take the leap and join the immensely immense world of crafting with cat hair.

Crafting with Cat Hair on Amazon Crafting with Cat Hair on Kindle

Learning to Play With a Lion's Testicles

Without a doubt, this book is required to complete any bookshelf.

Are you an adventurous traveler, looking to make the leap from the page to the jungle… if so, this book is without a doubt for you.

“Learning to play with lions testicles” eloquently combines both the internal and external challenges the author faces, be it elephants, torrential storms, or the guilt and recovery of a lost loved one.

Honestly, the title here is all cheek. Playing with a lions testicles, of course, referring to a foolhardy task. That said, there’s nothing foolhardy about digging into a new book.

To Play With a Lion's Testicles on Amazon

But... you're a horse

No zany intro for this one… everything about it scares me.

Fifty shades of neigh!

“But… you’re a horse?” But… why a horse. Where do I begin? If you’re the kind of person who has got it all figured out and walks through day to day life without concern or worry. If you never second guess yourself. If you feel that you’re a complete person, with a complete life, and fit wonderfully into the picture you drew in your head as a child of what adult life would be like… then maybe you need a challenge. And this book is a challenge.

Counter to fitting into those very specific requirements. If you’re interested in a book that will answer no questions in your life and will only complicate things further than this could be the right place for you.

But you're a horse on Amazon But you're a horse on Kindle

Images You Should Not Masturbate To

The fact of the matter is, if you have something to teach, people will want to learn. And this book teaches a lot.

No book in this list has riled up the critics in such a controversial way.

“What are these images, and why not?” ~ are some of the questions you may ask. But this book is here for a reason… and the first step is understanding that. The second step is accepting it.

You Should Not Masturbate To on Amazon You Should Not Masturbate To on Kindle

Crap Taxidermy

At the end of the day, there’s nothing interesting about good taxidermy.

It’s often overlooked that when you’re on your way to mastering an art, you have to sometimes make a few crappy versions of, well, whatever you’re working on to get to the top. You won’t really be surprised to find that taxidermy is no exception to this rule.

Now, if staring at re-animated animals like that weird guy in American Beauty does it for you, then you’re in for a true treat, as Crap Taxidermy puts on display some of the strangest, weirdest, spine-tingling, very often act-against-mother-nature level displays including many a one-eyed beast.

For me though, I consider this book the opposite of a coffee table talk piece. Something that will make your guests perfectly uncomfortable, and make in-laws, who have known you for 10+ years begin to question whether they ever “actually” knew you at all…

Crap Taxidermy on Amazon Crap Taxidermy on Kindle

Everything I know about Women I learned from my Tractor

If the man on the cover laughing staring right into your soul isn’t enough to scare you off, I don’t know what will.

Are you the kind of person who finds it easier to relate to a Tractor than a person? Did Mater from the Cars movies appear in your dreams more than just a few times? Are you thinking about your tractors right now? ~ If you answered yes to any of those questions, this book is one for you.

Within this book, the author opens up about small-town life, and is billed as his “ultimate contribution to mankind” … that is a pretty big claim, but once you’ve got into the first few pages you’ll be hooked.

The next stop will be Roger Welsch’s other hits “Old tractors never die”, “Love, Sex and Tractors” then all stops to “Old tractors and the men who love them”.

Everything I know on Amazon

The Field Guide to Dumb Birds of North America

You may be outwitted by the smart ones, but these ones are more in your grasp.

There is a difficult problem to solve in national parks, as people often leave behind (rudely I might add) trash quite often near the trash cans, but surprisingly not always within them, as some of the bins have bear proofing. A park ranger was quoted:

“There is a significant overlap between the smartest bears and the dumbest people.”

This book is for those people (and those bears).

Seriously, if you’ve tried birding, but the red cardinal and the blue Herron look no different to you. The nuance of focusing the binoculars escapes you, and you’re nearly giving up… now you can look at birding from a whole different, slightly less sophisticated angle in a way that will bring you joy for the rest of your life.

Also good for birder friends who are a little over the top. You know who they are.

Dumb Birds of NA on Amazon Dumb Birds of NA on Kindle

How to Raise Your I.Q. by Eating Gifted Children

Children are the new Super Food.

The topic of cannibalism is not a sticky one. It’s pretty set in stone, so you won’t find any strange information coming from me when it comes down to brass tacks… that said, in this world’s competitive environment, you’re going to need to find an edge. And if you don’t, someone else will.

That being said, if you are the kind of person who likes to talk about their I.Q. … perhaps casually bringing it up in conversation at the dinner table, parties, or generally silent rooms, then maybe there is some useful information in here that might pique your fancy, and give you those extra few intelligence quotient points, allowing you to topple the inferior squabble that is the humans of this world.

How to Raise Your I.Q. on Amazon How to Raise Your I.Q. on Kindle

Microwave for One

Microwave cooking turned all the way up to 1.

If you’ve ever needed a reason to kick out your friends and treat yourself to a warm all the way through, slightly soggy meal, well now you have one.

Microwave for One is really the book that put Sonia Allison on the map, some say she meditated alone for in solidarity for an entire year, working her way into a trans-like state and accepting wholly and fully what it is like to be one with the microwave, and then one by one ripped the recipe’s out of the void and wrote them into this book.

Each day when I get hungry, I look to the skies and think to myself, “What would Sonia Allison do”, the path quickly becomes clear, and a soothing wave washes over me as the gentle hum and rotation of the microwave eases my troubled soul.

Microwave for One on Amazon

More great pantyhose crafts.

If you haven’t had enough, then fear not, because there are more!

If there is one thing that has never been further away from my Christmas list, its some of my Mom’s recycled pantyhose creepily crafted into, as the cover outlines: dolls, wall hangings, music boxes, and holiday decorations.

That said, there are some incredible uses for this book.

Example 1: Your treasured daughter has bought home a new boyfriend, and his birthday is right around the corner. Some handily crafted pantyhose, molded into a deformed doll mildly resembling their appearance will solve that problem faster than you can say “why does this book exist”.

Example 2: You could find out how on earth does anyone make a music box with their pantyhose.

Pantyhose Crafts on Amazon

Extreme Ironing

For the adrenaline junky looking to get their fix in this modern crazy world.

If you’re like me, crumpled shirts are an absolute no-no, I won’t even leave the house with one.

Before I read this book I felt alone… when accidents happened, accidentally causing a crease in my otherwise perfectly cardboard-esque flat shirt, I would retreat to safety in my home… now, I’ve seen the light, and the light is all about carrying with you the tools to iron your shirts.

Be it on the steep rockface of El Capitan, or the blue depths of the Great Barrier Reef, I feel comfortable knowing that I have the tools at my disposal to quickly, quietly and efficiently iron out any crumples on my clothing, and in my life.

Extreme Ironing on Amazon